Dear Reader,
Somewhere between raising two daughters and losing them to hormones, I started writing Pain & Bliss four years ago. It was an attempt to structure my thoughts and feelings, hoping that someday my teenage daughters would read them. I don’t think my daughters have read any of my blogs; instead, I have found friends who have motivated me to write more. My heartfelt gratitude to each one of you who reads these outpourings.
I had been living an analog life for almost seven months now. When my elder one started college last year, suddenly it felt lonely, as if a vacuum, a space, had opened up and I didn’t know what to do. Like most Indian parents, my life revolved around my children so much that I carved my career around that only. I have one more year before my younger one starts college and both the girls will be on their own. I know it is time to step back, to let them soar and discover themselves in the world. I had offered whatever I was capable of.
The cue for me to reflect and plan my life ahead. Would I like to do what I had been doing until now? The answer was no. It was time for change both on the personal & professional fronts. I needed time to step back, to observe, to read, to absorb, to reflect, to write and make sense of everything. Just like the fishermen mend their nets when not out in the sea, I am using this time to chill, to enjoy the present. I had been thoroughly enjoying this change, for a change. Maybe because it’s not the imposed one. Maybe because I caught the change before it caught me.
I am building Shruti 6.0. The first four versions were forced upgrades. They happened because the previous versions had become redundant and I had no option but to change. Shruti 5.0 was the first time I had sought change. It had its own share of ups & downs, but yeah, for the first time, I was running the show, very much failing & succeeding at things I decided to try. This time too, I am deliberately changing the course and reinventing myself with version 6.0. I am at the first step right now.
Shruti 1.0 – 0-18 years
The obedient daughter raised with a strong moral, philosophical, spiritual compass; powered by books
Shruti 2.0 – 18-24 years
The free-spirited, naive, curious young girl trying to discover the world
Shruti 3.0 – 24-30 years
The Juggler, balancing multiple roles at a time as a young mother, wife and daughter-in-law
Shruti 4.0 – 30-37 years
The woman who finally fell in love with herself. Who stopped shrinking and stood up for her dreams without flinching.
Shruti 5.0 – 37-43 years
The young woman that realised the sky was hers, thus eventually trying everything from entrepreneurship, poetry, writing, and public speaking; living her dream and painting her canvas.
Shruti 6.0 – 43 years & counting
The unlearner – quietly stripping away every borrowed belief. Loving and living fully with intention. Letting success and failure be what they always were – only a perspective.
It’s not easy to change. It means I need to rip away the ways I think, do or behave to become anew. The important question to begin with is: Who is Shruti 6.0? How would she like to spend the rest of her life? And if I can connect that to who I am now? What do I seek? What brings me joy? What would I like to build, even if that’s for myself? If I die tomorrow, what is the last thing I should be doing? One recurring thought is that whatever I do has to revolve around stories. I have always loved them.
I have been reading a lot, like 2-3 books per month for the past 9 months. My diary is filled with journaling & half-baked ideas. I have been researching storytelling and learning to use AI as a visual storytelling format. It’s a super fun place to be. I realised I am happiest reading, writing, exploring and learning new things. And because I love it so much, I know it’s my comfort zone, which means it has the power to conform. I can be (stuck) in this phase forever, my forever loop. My Deja Vu.
Yet at times, I miss the fun of sharing with the world, the joy of being out there. Look at the duality here. LOL! Thus, I thought of doing something with my diary notes. To force myself out of the self-imposed sabbatical, I plan to write a blog series on story narratives and storytelling for the next 12 months at least.
Think about it: who are we, if not living, breathing six billion stories? If you are a believer of faith, it would make you wonder that the supreme power has expressed itself in six billion different stories, considering each one of the Homo sapiens is living his or her story on the planet Earth. If you are an atheist or a person of science, then think this way – the programmer has coded six billion unique codes. Doesn’t it blow your mind?
Beginning this month, I will explore everything through the lens of story. The story of wonder. The story of grief. The stories our grandmothers told us before bed and the ones our culture told us before we could question. The story we inherit, the story we perform, the story we are quietly rewriting when no one is watching. Some of these stories I will tell. Others I will simply hold up to the light and ask, ‘Whose story is this, really?’
Love & Light
Shruti
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