I have always felt this way,
My joys are to be shared,
With everyone and in every way.
But grief…that’s mine,
Only mine to hold,
Only mine to say.
I am trying to recalibrate from a recent loss
Trying to find my peace.
I write because I do not know how else
To find my way back to the original state.
How do I express grief?
Isn’t it too personal?
Isn’t it best when left unsaid?
Too raw to be spoken,
too heavy to be heard.
We are taught to solve mathematical equations,
To balance chemical reactions,
To label, measure, quantify, and conclude,
Ensuring the physical world is endorsed
in every possible mood.
Is there a similar formula
to cope with a personal loss too?
Maybe we knew it inherently
Because death is as ancient as breath,
Every culture had developed its own way to address
but we lost the wisdom of being a human
By becoming the most intelligent, mechanised race.
Thus, losing to the chasm of an artificial maze.
Hence I am baffled by the questions
How to live with absence?
How to address death?
How to survive the sudden tsunami of feelings?
How to sit with the void of silence…
That will never answer back.
When words fail, tears remain.
As my closest confidante,
I let them unnerve the sorrow,
And blur the weight of loss.
Grief is solitary,
Maybe it can never be absolved,
It can only be felt.
And so……… I allow myself to feel,
Freely… without an apology.
Maybe that’s the only way to heal.
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