I recently wrote this poem, “The Good Girl Syndrome.” As I planned to publish it on International Women’s Day, I wondered: Who is a good girl? How are these good girls created?
A ‘good girl’ is a metaphor for anyone who doesn’t question the world around them, absorbs things as received, and isn’t curious to decode their position and worth. Partly, it is cultural training, and the rest depends upon the person’s inherent nature.
According to Dr. John Demartini, it is important that children experience a balance of comfort and challenges while growing up. Too much comfort can make a child compliant, dependent and unable to take responsibility, while too much challenge can lead to morphed values, bitterness, and rebellion. As parents, we would not want to raise a good girl or a rebel. The path lies in the middle.
Like many others, I was stuck with the ‘Good Girl’ Syndrome,
I wouldn’t say I am completely out of it,
I am not sure if one can do that,
Because the cultural training runs deep,
All I can say is, I have come a long way,
From where I used to be.
I had been curious and observant,
As I saw our mothers holding it as a ‘crown’,
They too, had to be the ‘Good Girls’,
And they did pass it to us with glee.
The social construct is built such,
A ‘wild woman’ catches the eyeball,
It’s domesticated woman the world loves,
Raising a ‘good girl’ as nee.
Boys too have it,
Ah! I realised,
In subtle and covert ways,
The social conditioning helps them cover up,
Who else do you think are the ‘Mumma’s Boys’?
Isn’t it the ‘good boy syndrome’ displayed for free?
Yet, I am bewildered,
As I look around and see,
In the name of empowerment,
Women becoming arrogant and rowdy,
Displaying a suppressed bitter negativity,
Trying to own the man’s world,
And disowning their femininity.
For me, with every right comes a duty,
A fine balance and dance of duality,
Empowerment, to me, is the power to choose,
A freedom of mind, body, and soul,
To be able to live accordingly,
To pursue our dreams and hearts’ desires,
To give our everything to the task at hand,
Be it child rearing, career, or family.
In this empowerment,
One feels alive and free from within,
We do not follow the ‘good girl’,
We become whatever we wish to ‘be’,
Thus embracing our femininity.
Such femininity flows through
A well of eternal love,
There isn’t a built up anger
Or frustration,
We do not need to say the cuss words,
Just to fit in,
We do not need to blame others,
Instead, own our life,
And take full responsibility.
We create our table,
We dance to our tune.
We sing our own music.
My only wish is
Every woman, everywhere,
Finds her tune to tap her feet.
Leave a Reply