The post by #phdtroubles caught my attention. As I looked hard at the image below, I couldn’t help but agree that it is the correct depiction of a research scholar’s life. And when you are in it, it is super scary and unnerving. I have been there!
Looking back, being thrust into the unknown, constantly on the edge, grappling with uncertainty, feeling perpetually lost and overwhelmed being a research scholar, actually has its perks. It’s like a crash course in building resilience and adaptability, skills that come in handy in life ahead.
And five years after my Ph.D., I can definitely vouch for that! Yes, Ph.D. for me was venturing into the unknown. Allow me to share my journey for anyone and everyone who is out there lost in the vast ocean. Hold on, my friend, it isn’t as dark as it seems, and in the end, this whole mess will make sense. If my experience can help you in any way, I am happy to share:
- It was the first time I had stepped into the unknown.
Coming from a very protective environment and taking safe routes for half of my life, research opened a whole new dimension for me. The universe of the unknown, where I had to navigate my path. Strange as it may sound, I first tasted freedom in this new realm. Freedom to do things at my own pace, freedom to venture in different directions, freedom to learn my way.
As a mother of two young girls at that time, the freedom was liberating! Of course, it could have never happened without the support of my loving family and my dear supervisor Prof. Nehal A. Farooquee, to whom I shall always remain indebted.
2. It was the first time I questioned.
I was born and brought up with a ‘do as directed’ motto. As I see it today, it was during Ph.D. that my cultural beliefs, attitude, and perceptions began to crumble.
I had always been a reader but then, I read extensively. For the first time, I started questioning things around. Why am I doing this research? What’s the sense of burning these midnight oils? Who am I? My quest to know myself and the world around was initiated. Why became the most important question for me and still is.
3. It was not the first time, but yes, research made me wonder.
Ah! This one trait I always had. I was a child of wonder, in love with life. But as I delved deeper into my research, there were moments when I stumbled upon unexpected discoveries, leaving me in a state of wonderment.
4. I thoroughly enjoyed the journey.
Thanks, @PhScribble for aptly decoding it for me. With my newfound freedom, I grew new wings to fly. My academic writing started at this stage. I also conducted capacity-building workshops for in-service and pre-service teachers towards inclusive education. I worked on research projects as additional paid gigs.
And on top of it, I was able to balance my family life . I was not just a research scholar; I had the freedom to be much more. And that’s exactly why I loved my research days so much so that I dreaded the day it would end. I had discovered a new me!
5. I befriended my own company.
As a child, I had always enjoyed my own company. However, as life took on, I lost connect. Research gave me enough time with myself that I was able to rekindle the long-lost child in me. Since then, I can stay with myself deeply connected and feeling alive, something that is difficult to describe in words.
6. I made connections for life.
I had made NCERT library as my second home. Spending long hours there led me to meet beautiful souls who not only became anchors, and mentors but friends for life from whom I had the good fortune to learn so much.
7. Being used to the unknown for five years, I developed courage.
By the time I was ready to submit my thesis, I had developed a taste for freedom. I was no longer willing to compromise the freedom I had experienced. I knew it by heart that the unknown realm isn’t as scary; in fact, it is more rewarding. As my faith in the unknown deepened, so did my courage.
8. The realization, I know nothing.
The best thing that happens to anyone and everyone who has dedicated themselves to anything with utmost sincerity is that a moment comes when one feels humbled, and there’s this feeling of immense gratitude, peace, and calmness that dawns upon with the simple fact that there’s so much to learn and ‘I know nothing’.
I don’t know how to put it because that nothingness doesn’t overwhelm; instead, it takes one to a place of wonder, ya, maybe that’s the wonderment I was talking about earlier. A wonder that there’s something bigger, grander than what meets the eye. And I know nothing.
9. Becoming a seeker and a sucker for learning.
That’s the aftermath of being a researcher for five years. You become addicted to learning. To offer you some insight: Imagine a page with an image occupying more than half of it, followed by just two lines of text. While most would naturally focus on the image, my instinct is to read the lines first, then shift my attention to the image. I can’t help; I am addicted to reading every word that comes my way, phew!
On a serious note, if we let our research overpower us, we end up becoming lifelong seekers and sponges for learning.
10. I ended up taking an untrodden route for life.
Everyone I have met has accepted that research changed them. In my case, I often laugh that I can divide my life into pre-research and post-research era. I could no longer follow the stereotype pathways; I loved freedom and being in the unknown so much that I ended up being my boss, something I learned during my Ph.D. days by starting a venture of my own, thus, following my heart.
Leave a Reply