My latest celebrity crush is the Turkish actor Can Yaman. I love the gentleness of his eyes. Shhhh!!! Don’t tell him. I will be too embarrassed if he ever pops out of the screen.
When I asked the same question to my teenage daughters a few days ago, they instantly replied, “Of course, the guy in the series you were watching.” And like any ‘young’ girl with shiny little eyes, I giggled. There’s more to it, though. This wasn’t as cool a conversation to have with my two girls as it sounds today. It’s something that my life partner and I have worked on deliberately for the last few years.
#TBH The story began three years ago.
One day, my thirteen year old returned from school and shared that her friends discussed their crushes.
“What did you say?”
She responded, “I don’t have a crush on anyone.”
“That can’t be; we always like someone.” I emphasized.
“That’s exactly what my friends said too.”
I explained to her that one can have a crush on anyone and at any age. That’s absolutely fine. Acknowledging it in public isn’t a rage; at least, that’s how we’re all socially trained.
“For example, Justin Bieber can be your crush,” I said.
“Eww! He is so old.”
“Ah!” He was the youngest crush I could think of, at that moment.
“Darling, I’ll tell you about my current crush.”
Her jaws dropped, and she looked at me with such big eyes, depicting her shock as if I had cheated her father.
“It’s Fawad Khan. I just love that guy. His screen presence is amazing”
Immediately, a smile slipped her lips.
“Mom, I knew you liked him.”
“My child, you should know this. There is a difference between attractive people and people anyone is attracted to. Like, I can be around tons of attractive people, but there is a possibility of barely being attracted to anyone among them. At the same time, I can like different people from diverse backgrounds. Some might inspire me, some I might adore or revere, and a few among them I might be infatuated with. I am a mere human, and all these diverse emotions are absolutely fine. The same is true for your father. Yet, it’s with him that I feel most comfortable, safe, protected, and loved. And that’s how it should be. Because a crush, infatuation, liking, or admiration for any man or woman will be seasonal, but love is stronger, more stable, much deeper and at the soul level.
“Are you aware of your dad’s latest crush? You will be able to guess because I often tease him.”
With both girls entering teenagehood, it was important we lowered our guards. And since then, we have made it a point to have these free flowing conversations at home. My husband shared a long list of his crushes from school. I always added anecdotes to each one of them.
“Ah! That was such a pathetic choice”
To another one I declared, “You should meet her now!”
“Did you know who your dad had a crush on when we were married?”
Teenagers love these talks. Girls smile often, looking at each other as if passing a cue. However, never assume they will spill the beans. That won’t happen immediately. They won’t lower their guard. It’s not easy to gather what’s happening in the life of a teenager, even if the teenager here is your own flesh and blood. To get anything out of a teenager is another task.
However, they do come around slowly and at the most unexpected times, like when I am kissing goodnight or when I am in a hurry, especially when I am in a hurry. In one line, they reveal something that allows me to enter their world.
It’s important, we give our children space to embrace their sexuality, to understand the world and different relationships in all the varying intensity/ degree. I want my girls to be aware of their own feelings, to be able to recognize and address them, instead of escaping or being ignorant. As parents, the best we can do is to enlighten and hang around wearing an invisibility cloak.
Our crushes depict us. They evoke our own desires, beliefs, values, and virtues. Try this out. Make two columns. In the first column, list down the names of all your crushes. Adjacent to them, write everything they stand for (like the values and virtues they emit, simply put, why do you like or are attracted to them). You will be able to find an overlapping pattern in every girl or guy you ever liked. I can assure you that you will learn a lot more about yourself as a result of this simple activity. Your crush mirrors your own self back. And it will direct you to precisely what you seek in relationships and in life. If you try to replicate it in your life, you will be able to create a more beautiful and fulfilling life within your present relationship.
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