After reading The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz, I knew I had some authority on the subject regarding the first agreement discussed in the book.
| The First Agreement “Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” |
Reading these words was cliché to me. They seem simple, and I have often read or heard them in parts or whole and even tried to follow suit since childhood. The one etched in my memory is reading Larry Collins and Dominique Lapierre’s ‘Freedom at Midnight’ as a nineteen year old. It was my first tryst with Gandhi and thus began my journey of trials to speak the truth in a rigorous manner.
You can laugh, ya I know, the young impressionable mind soaked in idealism wanted to try being immaculate with words. Ah! I have faltered numerous times since then. The last record is ten months of speaking only the truth. At home, the common joke is that I consider myself ‘Harishchandra of Kalyuga’ the mythological king who spoke only truth. Don’t ask my family about this, or else they will disclose all the instances where I haven’t been precise with words. My response to the banter has been, “So what! I am only human, born to err.”
Despite the failures, audacity is: I have continued my tryst with exquisite words. Here, Nelson Mandela bails me out. I love quoting him.
“I am a sinner who keeps on trying.” – Nelson Mandela
I have added a personal version to it.
“I am a sinner who keeps on trying because, as a seeker I learn, unlearn, and relearn.”
Twenty one year of trial & error phase, I have devised my own way of working. Words are power and I take my power pretty seriously, like in the Spiderman movie quote –‘With great power comes great responsibility’.
Let me dissect the first agreement:
1. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.
My dear father-in-law is impeccable with words. He holds his words as a true testament to his character. Our whole extended family is a bit scared of him, or you can say they have the highest regard for him. Choose whichever suits you. For, people who can call spade a spade are not the favorites.
Despite admiring him, I could not emulate him. I find him enjoying a hierarchical position which crumbled by the time I grew up. Thus, I struggled with questions hovering in my head. As a woman of the twenty-first century, how to portray myself strong without being arrogant or snobbish? How to achieve a fine balance of assertiveness and grace? How to convey authenticity in gentle ways?
All my answers were found in Prof. Vandana Saxena, CIE, Delhi University. She is a brutally honest yet highly empathetic person. She is a fine balance of sharpness and kindness, of strength & grace. Her persona symbolizes courage and her words emit credibility. Since our first meeting, I have been in awe of her.
Whenever, I feel the need to voice my honest opinion which might not be the popular one. I imagine her, and think ‘what would ma’am have done’, ‘which words she would have chosen’. For one thing I know she wouldn’t have budged. And like a flash, I always find an answer. I try to imitate it with an assertiveness mastered over the years.
Try finding your own bunch of people with integrity in life, observe and learn from them.
Let me clarify here. I do not wish you to fall into the trap. There is a difference between always speaking the truth and being authentic with words. I have learned that being impeccable means owning every word you say. And speaking only what you actually mean. Let it not merge with the idealistic thought of speaking only the truth. The second one never worked, atleast for me.
2. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
This one’s easy for me to work on. Since childhood, I have been super engrossed with the buzzing in my head and whining in my heart that I have never been interested in others.
As for loving myself, that too is deeply ingrained. Although a few curves of self-pity have been there but they couldn’t stand long in front of my self-love. I have always loved this quote and all through my life have tried to live it as well.
“You cannot change the world, you can only change yourself.” – Beatrice Wood
I can assure following this simple verse, life will become simpler & more beautiful.
3. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Since I started my own venture, RIEDU, every second person I meet has this one piece of advice for me: ‘Be on social media 24/7. Enhance your presence. Build your brand. The bigger the brand means more leads and thus more business. Shout out aloud, roll the drums and tell the world.’
I have tried doing that; it’s exhausting. I realized it wasn’t resonating with the core. And my life has taught me that if it doesn’t feel right, it’s definitely not the way ahead for me.
What do I do now? Well, I am active on social media in a more suitable way. I keep my mouth shut, unless I have something meaningful and beautiful to say. I am not perfect at doing that, but I definitely try my best to be unblemished with words.
What did I learn? Being impeccable doesn’t only mean spoken words. It also means written words. It also permeates into every thought, action and decision in life. Having said that, words, written or spoken, actions, or thoughts must always be authentic. It will be our noblest contribution to the world. In the ‘Science of Getting Rich’, Wallace D. Wattles reiterates that every thought, word, and action must always be directed towards abundance and progress. They must imbibe beauty, truth, and love. I try to live that…..
How to determine if the other person is or isn’t ‘impeccable with words’?
The best part about being self-employed is that I am my own boss. The second is that I get to meet a whole range of people. The con is that within a few meetings, I have to decide if I would like to invest my time and energy in nurturing the relationship. I am particular about protecting myself from energy leaks.
Thus, with a “razor sharp” observation, I scan the words, actions, and behavior of every person I meet. I have trained my sixth sense to be aware of my feelings in the presence of another person. I have learnt that a person who doesn’t value his/her words will also be unprofessional. These five parameters are sufficient to measure the impeccability of words. Watch closely. If the person under observation follows more than two, we know for sure they do not honor words:
1. Turning on the permanent unread mode setting in WhatsApp
2. Not reverting calls/ emails timely/ or inconsistent communication
3. Not valuing own & other’s time
4. Lacking sincerity in an apology
5. Inability to listen and absorb.
These have worked for me. Start observing from today, people with word integrity are people with very little pretense. Initially, you may not find any. You may say, no such person exists anymore. Become one. Continue adjusting the lens and slowly they will emerge. They can be the doctor you meet next time, the driver of your cab, or the teacher of your child. The universe is full of such amazing souls. Change the glasses to see them by working on yourself.
PS: I am trying to implement the second and third agreements suggested in the book ‘The Four Agreements’. Thus, they are in the testing phase.
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